Burnout is not just a state of physical exhaustion but mental and emotional. I was on the edge of it for such a long time that naturally the healing and change necessary for recovery would also take a long time.

Those of us who are responsible for the needs of others, particularly those with high level of need can be especially prone to it. Sensitive, compassionate, generous givers often desire to go the extra mile (or 100 miles!), making it difficult to know when and how to stop. During my recovery, in the “slow zone”, I would often feel held back. My legs were so used to running that they longed to again. But the more I humbled myself, prayed and put my insecurities in God’s hands, the more I realized that I was right where He wanted me to be.

Leaving my church (where I had burned out) for another one to simply meet with God with no strings attached was liberating. But in some ways I was like a recovering addict. Feelings of emptiness, guilt and restlessness would often visit me on this seemingly unending yet necessary healing path. I had gone suddenly from having an active social and ministry life to being the outsider. My only option was to clear my schedule, wait and hope in God, the maker and “understander” of my heart.

With the help of counselling, I began to take an honest look at my motives in life and ask myself deep questions such as these:

• Although I love Jesus, do I treasure the things I do for Him more than I love Him? Holding on to anything too tightly is a form of idolatry. Am I practicing idolatry? (There is a fine line here but I admit to drifting over that line a LOT.)
• How much of my security and identity comes from people, rather than God? Why do negative comments rattle me so much? What deep need am I trying to fill?
• Have busy striving and perfectionism become addictions? Why do I feel so restless when I’m not doing anything? Or so down on myself when I make a mistake? Why would I hang on to a lifestyle that robs me of joy?

Many people expected me to return to the ministry after only a short time. Even my husband, who understood my issues the best he could, struggled to understand the recovery process (I often struggled to get it myself!). As I joined a small group and gradually became involved in the new church, Jesus continued to nourish my soul.  My energy levels began to return. I was able to slowly record the Renewal album in this time. He was restoring my soul slowly but surely as he promised in His Word and I was able to declare this in the songs! And do something that I had dreamed of doing since I was a young girl.

At times I visited my smaller “home church” to lead worship. But anxiety triggers were still there and the washed-out feeling often returned. I wondered if I could ever go back and feel completely healed and at peace. I felt like I was in a holding pattern. When would I be strong enough to return to the ministry where my husband was actively involved and my heartstrings were pulling? I knew it would need to be a call of God.

God did call me back, almost 4 years after I reached my lowest point. The call came while listening to a sermon. The words, “It’s time, go back” fell heavily on my heart. As did a reassurance that I now had a clearer, healthier mindset. As I returned to my church home, I could see that while God was renewing me, He had been doing something in the people there as well. This was further reassurance that God “had my back”! I was glad to be back and enjoying the people and what the church offered without the heaviness I felt before. Seeds of contentment and trust in God grew. I was able to get involved in the worship again (the main area I had burned out in), with a new sense of purpose and resolve. The Lord has helped me to identify thoughts that trigger anxiety so that it doesn’t hang around or control me. I truly know Jesus as my Prince of Peace.

Now it’s almost five years since I reached my lowest point. There have been times when the enemy has attempted to discourage me and derail my progress. But I am learning to fight against this by the power of Jesus. I find it so mind-blowing that I get to be renewed by His strength and power every day. I am much more intentional and content when it comes to rest. Before, the stress of life would overtake me. Now I only want to let one thing overwhelm me – the love of my Saviour, Jesus.

I pray that as you read my story you are encouraged to work through any inner issues you have. If you are in a rut and need change, I pray that you will gain the courage and clarity of mind to take the first step, the second and so on. You may need to confide in one or two people you trust, seek the help of a qualified counselor, and more. Often it takes our getting to rock bottom before we can fully hand over our lives to God and for healing to begin. That was the case for me, and God has done more than I ever expected. How He uses people, circumstances, His word, moves in hearts and minds, and is so thorough, is mind-blowing! Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”. I pray you are encouraged and that in all you face, your trust in God grows stronger as you discover more of what he can do.